The Fat Yogi

Yoga was depressing today.  I'm the fattest yogi in the room.  I need to lose weight.  I hope that this money comes through soon.  I want to join weight watchers right after Christmas.  I need a kick in the behind from something.

Yoga and Mirrors

I've mentioned before my need to lose weight.  Although I am quite aware of this, it still was somewhat discouraging to see myself at my yoga class today. 

The renovation of our yoga room included the addition of mirrors. 

Mirrors!  Yikes!

I look pregnant.  No joking. 

It didn't help that today I wore my biggest oldest sloppy t-shirt which ended up being too loose to be comfortable for yoga.  I kept needing to pull it down.  Annoying. 

Yes, there is a benefit to the mirrors.  I can see my form better.  And (although I look crappy in weight, my form is not bad) yes, that is good in the long run. 

However, right here and now in the short run, I am seeing my fat body in the mirrors and I do not like what I see.    It's not that I never look in mirrors at home.  However, at home, I am not standing in warrior one pose looking at my big ol' pudgy belly. 

I hope to start a weight loss plan after the holidays.   In the meanwhile, I'll continue to exercise. 

And I'll do my best to keep my eyes off the mirrors. 

Christmas Traditions: The Annual Ornament

Do you have many Christmas traditions?

It's my most favorite time of the year because of the rich traditions celebrated by my friends and family. 

One fun tradition is the annual ornament for each of my children.  I actually started doing this when I was merely an aunt.  My nieces and nephew were able to benefit from this fabulous idea and the fact that I was not yet a mom.

When my own children started to arrive, I was thrilled at the prospect of continuing the tradition with them. 

My five children have the following themes for ornaments:  #1 is planes, #2 is trains, #3 is rocking horses, #4 is birds, and #5 is Santas.

Some years I will buy them an additional ornament if they are particularly interested in something like a superhero or a Disney princess. 

A couple years ago, I changed the tradition just a bit by starting to give them their ornaments on St. Nicholas Day. 

The past two Christmas seasons have been tough due to the loss of my oldest child.  One thing I will always do though is buy his annual airplane.  He'll always be a part of our traditions.

Can You Do a Headstand?

I've been doing yoga for around 3.5 months now.  Previously I have written about the progress I have made since my beginning.  

Today we did headstands. 

In the beginning, I wouldn't even attempt a headstand.

The funny thing is that I was quite athletic in my youth doing things like cartwheels, front flips, back bends, backward walkovers, and the like.  Now when I see that stuff, i wonder how I never did such things!

However, I must say that I am getting more brave.  I will now do a tripod which is a beginner version of a headstand.  And I will do a head/hand stand against the wall. 

I am getting there. 

Considering that I used to do stuff like this all the time, I'm confident that I will eventually be able to do a handstand completely unassisted. 

The question is when?

When Irish Cream is Actually Wine...

As the cold December evening put me in the mood for a warm and comforting adult beverage, I decided to check the internet to see if there were any new ideas that involved Irish Cream and/or coffee. 

About a week ago, I was at my local Trader Joe's searching for Bailey's Irish Cream.  I inquired with the friendly employee who informed me that they did not, in fact, sell Bailey's.  He directed me to a small section with two other Irish creams.  I grabbed a cheap one that I hadn't hear of called O' Mara's Irish Country Cream. 

I was surprised when reading a blog comparing Bailey's and O' Mara's that O' Mara's is actually a dessert wine!!  Sure enough, when I pulled out the bottle, there it was in black and white. 

The good news is that it tastes great in my coffee whether it is wine or not!

The Question on Everyone's Mind: Will You Do Yoga Today?

Wednesdays are my hardest, longest day. 

It is probably the day of the week that yoga is most needed. 

Yet I cannot seem to muster up the energy come Wednesday afternoon or evening. 

I have two choices:  1)  I could do it on my own at home in the afternoon.  2)  I could head back out into the cold to the 6:30pm class where an instructor would push me and make me enjoy it.

Oh and the third choice is to be lazy. 

The weather is cold and dreary today.  Again, it has been a long one. 

I'm just not feeling it. 

I hope to someday be at the point that I want to do it at home no matter what. 

I'm not there yet. 

Is there hope for me?

Just Dance is Good Stuff!

 

 I have this hatred for most videogames.  I feel like it turns my kids into brainless zombies.  They become lazy.  And they will sit and play until I make them stop even if it means for 8 hours. 

 

 

 

Just Dance is different. 

For the past three days, four of my children have been playing Just Dance a lot.  At times they are all playing.  At other times, maybe 2 will be playing.    The fun thing is that they can all play together.

It's silly and it is good exercise!  They come upstairs sweating!

It is much better than other videogames. 

Do You Hold a Grudge?

I was thinking today about holding grudges.  I'll admit that sometimes I do.   It's never for anything minor, only the major infractions.    In fact, I can only think of two particular people with whom I still hold grudges. 

One was a college roommate who was stealing from me.  The theft itself was bothersome, but there was more about the way she treated me when she knew I was onto her. Her attitude was one of condescension and snottiness. Oh and then I remember once a year or so after college I was waitressing.  She came into the restaurant and I had to serve her.  And she didn't tip me!  Oh I was beside myself.  First she steals from me, then that?    I just can't get over all of that.  I definitely feel a grudge toward her.

The other is more complicated.  It's family related.   And it's ridiculous.  I'm not going to air that grievance in public, but I must say that this person was totally in the wrong, immature, and mean.  And I can't help it.  I have a grudge.  The bad thing is I will be forced to spend time with this person again soon.  I'm not sure how I will handle that.  I haven't seen him since it transpired over a year ago.

I don't hold grudges for small things.  Life is life and no one is perfect.  Friends will sometimes say the wrong things.  People make mistakes.  We all make bad choices sometimes.  And even on the big things, if someone apologizes, I will forgive them.  That's the thing with the two big things I wrote about above.  I have never and will never receive apologies from them.  If they apologized, I would let it go. 

Do you hold grudges?

Do You Exercise When Feeling Icky?

The morning brought with it a headache and a case of the "icks" today. 

If you ask me why I don't feel good, I can't quite explain it.  It's just a bit of ickiness and blahs.  (The headache left after my morning coffee, water, and Ibuprofen.)

I had planned an afternoon visit to the gym for some cardio and weight training, but the icks prevailed. 

Would I have felt better had I exercised?  Most likely. 

Instead I have allowed myself to be icky and blah and ugh all day. 

Do you force yourself to exercise when you don't feel your best?

I'm Having a Love Affair with Yoga

Don't tell my husband, but I am having a love affair with YOGA.  Yes, it's reached that point.

 I find myself preferring yoga to all other activities. 

When I realized my moms' night out this week will conflict with my Friday night yoga class, I was beyond despair! 

When I realized that the children's Christmas program would conflict with the following Friday night yoga class, I wanted to scream and shout at the top of my lungs.

 When another dear friend sent a message about getting together with multiple friends the first Friday in January, again, my thoughts turned to YOGA.

Is it wrong to be obsessed with my dear flexible, zen-creating friend?Will all my friends start avoiding me because they know that I am being a harlot with yoga?

 

Will my children find out?

 

What will they say?

 

 

Progress

As I wrote last night, I am having a love affair with yoga.  Perhaps I am merely in the honeymoon phase.  Perhaps the passion cannot last.  Perhaps. 

Or perhaps I have found something with which I will have a lifelong relationship.

I hope that is the case. 

As I make progress, I do find myself loving it more. 

For example, last night's class was an excellent, challenging class from one of my favorite instructors.  One of the final poses of the evening was crow pose.  Although crow isn't terribly difficult, initially, I found it tough.  Maybe my arms weren't strong enough to hold my chubby body.  Now I can do it.   I also can shift my body to where I am on my head.  When I first began yoga, the feeling of any pressure on my head was disturbing and uncomfortable. 

My flexibility is slowly improving, though I still have a long way to go.  I cannot get over how difficult it is for me to reach with my arms behind my back.  I often wonder if it is truly lack of flexibility or if it is that my arms are short. 

I'm happy with my progress. 

photo credit:  pixabay

That's How I Know I Love Yoga...

Fridays tend to be long, long days.  They can seem even longer if I have a bad sleep the night before like I did last night. 

I awoke around 4am because the cat pushed open my door.  (I love that cat, but grrrrr)

Then I never returned to sleep.

Needless to say, I have been so sleepy all day. 

Additionally, I have been extra sad today. 

The easiest thing in the world would be to come home and sit on my bottom while drinking wine and watching movies.  Oh how tempting that was today when I was tired and it was rainy, cold, and dreary!

Yet I craved my Friday night yoga class.   I pushed myself through my tiredness and went.  And yes, not only did I do it, I loved doing it! 

If I were simply planning to go to the gym and workout on the elliptical and the weights, I would have been too tired to go. 

Yoga is different.

When I think of how much I love doing it compared to other workouts, I am amazed at the difference.

My Favorite Yoga Instructor

Her name is Amy B. and she teaches at the YMCA.  She only teaches one yoga class at that location.

 OH HOW I WISH SHE TAUGHT MORE!  I LOVE HER!  (ok, so I don't "love her" love her, I just think she is a fabulous instructor.)  My first ever yoga class was with her and I am so glad for that. 

 Her classes always offer something different.  She works different areas each week and no matter what, I feel like I have experienced a workout. 

She also offers something in the spirituality of it, the mental benefits.  She offers words of inspiration.   Something about her almost always brings me to tears by the end of the class.  That may not sound like a good thing, but it is!  They are tears of release!

 

Today's class focused on the hips.  It felt good;  it felt tough at times;  it felt relaxing as well. 

 

Yesterday I was suffering from intense anxiety.  My start with her today was a much needed thing.

 

If only I could attend her classes every single day!

I Could Use a Little Zen Today

One of these days soon, I plan to photograph my daughter in some yoga poses to use with my posts.  I keep planning to do so, but not following through.  Life is busy.  In the meanwhile, my personal photos of trees and lovely beach scenes work fine.

Today has been such a rotten day.  I have felt such anxiety due to all sorts of things.  I need some zen.  I need some yoga. 

The busy, busy schedule of Wednesday never allows for Yoga.  Today is even more busy than usual as I have to take my daughter to dance class. 

The good thing is that tomorrow I get to go to my favorite yoga class.  I love this instructor and I want to suggest to her that she make some instructional videos and put them on youtube.  I'd love to be able to benefit from her teachings on the days I cannot make it to her class.  Due to vehicle issues, I haven't been to her class for 4 weeks!  That's terrible!  I miss it!

I three instructors that I see regularly, but she is my favorite.

Do you have a favorite instructor?

Sunrise Yoga? I Don't Get It!

Perhaps it is because I am simply NOT a morning person.  I'm just not.  I would rather sleep. 

In fact, tomorrow I have plans to go to an 8:00am yoga class and I am not thrilled about it. 

I'm thrilled about the yoga, just not the time. 

Again, I would rather sleep.

So when I hear about these yoga studios that offer sunrise yoga, I find it completely unappealing.  For one thing, early in the morning, my body feels extra tight and off-balance.  The early morning classes seem so much more difficult for me to keep the poses or even reach the poses. 

There is way more "ouch" to morning yoga. 

I wonder if the morning yoga might be a better way to start your day if you suffer from anxiety (which I do).  Perhaps the spiritual and mental benefits outweigh the negatives from the stiff morning muscles.

I could see doing sunset yoga.  That sounds nice. 

Much nicer because it does not require me to set my alarm clock.

Three Months of Yoga

Does three months of regular practice of yoga sound like a lot to you?   In the scheme of all things zen, it actually is not.  Yet I feel good about three months.

 I attend some advanced classes and I do a pretty good job of keeping up at this point.  That's something.  I still say how much easier it will be for me when I shed some of these unwanted pounds.  I was especially thinking that tonight at my class. 

The instructor who is already fairly tough decided to hold each pose longer than usual.  As my arms were burning in plank pose and downward facing dog, I couldn't help but dream of weighing 50 pounds less.

 As I still struggle to keep learning poses and mastering poses, I do not focus as much on breathing, relaxing.  However, I do already see the benefits to this aspect of yoga practice.

Prior to starting my yoga journey, I could never breathe (it seemed).  My breathing has improved.

As I have mentioned before, there is definitely the benefit of less anxiety.  I would like to say that all anxiety has disappeared, maybe someday!

Three months ago, I could not do the tripod pose.  Today I did. 

Three months ago, my hands and wrists hurt for days after my first two classes.

Three months ago, I didn't know a cobra pose from an eagle pose.

Three months ago, I didn't know how much I would love yoga.

Dating When Married

Well, it is official!  We can leave the children alone for a date. 

We left today for a friend of my husband's wedding at 4pm.  We did not return home until 10:00pm.

The children did NOT burn the house down.

The children did NOT call me or text me twenty times wondering when we would be home. 

I think we are ok with maybe dating again/

I think that we will have to figure this thing out because dating has been such a non-priority for the last 15 years. 

This could be a good thing.

Could it be the Tryptophan?

I am feeling LAZY. 

I had high, high hopes of doing yoga today.  My workout routine is a disaster due to vehicle problems.  Getting the gym is a challenge right now and motivation at home is slim. 

But my hopes were high!

I said I WOULD go to the gym!

Yet... 

Here I sit among a mess in my house. 

I don't have any energy.

 

I suppose it could be the lack of sleep the last three nights in a row.

 

or it could be that I was upper early today.

 

Or it could be the tryptophan from the turkey.

 

 

A New Option for Yoga

As I have mentioned, I have been without a vehicle for nearly a month now thanks to a paperwork nightmare that we are trying to straighten out.  The biggest issue has been me getting to the gym for my Yoga classes.  (thankfully, the children are in low activity mode right now)

My husband's work schedule has made it so I can get there occasionally, but not regularly like I need. 

I know so many folks who do their yoga at home always. 

I am just not good at exercising at home. 

I'm just not.

A month or so ago, I downloaded a yoga app, but I found it boring. 

Yesterday I decided to check out youtube.  I found many yoga videos on there.  I started one by that Jillian chick from the Greatest Loser show, but the video wasn't working.  The next in line was one by Denise Austen.  Although I am not a big fan of her, I decided to try it. 

It was a 30 minute class that was fairly basic.  It went much more quickly than if I were trying to do it at home without a class.  It wasn't great, but it was something which was more than I was getting. 

So that is my plan.  From now on, I will try to do videos at home if I cannot get to the gym (which at this rate, who knows when I can drive my van again.)

Here's the youtube video that I watched. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daoU86HqYPg

Blogger Tag: I'm It

Well, already I do not know if I can actually tag anyone.  So my plan is to share this with my blogging momma friend mommykerrie maybe via email.  Here's her blog by the way:  http://www.thekerrieshow.com/

Here are the 25 questions for blogger tag. 

1.  Where were your born?  Well, I'm going to plead the fifth on this one because sometimes that's a security question on things.  So I'll just say that I was born on the planet earth.  K?

2.  Were you named after someone?  Nope.  no awesome story to go along with my name darn it.

3.  if you have question, how many do you have?   I'm the mother to five beautiful children.  My oldest child died two years ago though.  So I have to struggle through life without his precious self in my day.

4.  how many pets do you have?  We currently are on the low end of pets with only two cats and a dog.  The dog is huge though and is the equivalent of a grown man or four dogs.  Anyone want a new dog?

5.  what was your worst injury?   well, this may be speaking physical, but the worst injury I have ever sustained is losing my son.  my heart is broken and will never mend.

6.  Do you have a special talent?  eh, not sure.  I am a pretty good cook.  I decorate my children's birthday cakes and they look fun.  And I sometimes take some awesome photographs. 

7.  What's your favorite thing to bake?  well, this is tough.  I love a delicious baked pasta dish like lasagna or cannelloni.  I also love freshly baked bread.  Then of course, there are cookies.

8.  What's your favorite fast food?    I'll have to say Schlotzsky's.  I love those sandwiches.

9.  Would you bungee jump?  Um, nope.  I don't know if I would have back in my youthful days or not, but definitely not now. 

10.  what is the first thing you notice about people?  I guess just how friendly they are.

11.  When was the last time you cried?  Yesterday.  I tend to cry at least once a day since losing my son.

12.  Are you worried about anything currently?    Finances.  Just received notice that a monthly bill is going up by $300 a month.  That is about all extra we have.  I don't know how we will afford anything, ANYTHING, extra now.  and by extra I mean children's activities, homeschool books, hair cuts, clothes....

13.  What are three drinks you drink regularly?  1.  water (I LOVE water!)  2.  coffee (can't start my day without it)  and 3.  wine (not every night, but many nights)

14.  what is your favorite book?  I hate limiting this to just one, but if I must, I will say Les Miserables. 

15.  would you like to be a pirate?  only if it were in a movie

16.  favorite smells?   fresh basil and coffee

17. why do you blog?  I like to write.  I like to talk.  and I hope to eventually write a book.  this is good practice. 

18.  Do you have a song you want played at your funeral?  I used to say Dancing Queen by Abba.  I'm not sure anymore. 

19.  what is your least favorite thing about yourself?  my weight and my lack of willpower and my tendency to be lazy

20.  favorite hobby?  writing, photography, and knitting

21.  what qualities do you look for in a friend?  trustworthy, kind, fun

22.  name something you have done that you never thought you would do:  be a stay at home mom.  I was a career gal and loved it.  I had no plans to stay at home.  funny how things change.

23.  favorite things to do?  write, watch movies, read, drink coffee, yoga

24.  pet peeves?  women who gossip, dishonesty, drama

25.  what is the last thing that made you laugh?  i'm sure it was my children today sometime, but my mind is blank. 

Comparing Yoga Styles, A Newbie's Perspective

I'm no expert at Yoga.  I simply know that I enjoy it. 

I have been practicing for nearly three months now which is nothing in the long journey of life. 

My yoga practice takes place at three different YMCA locations which I live in close proximity, as well as occasionally at home.   When I first decided to give it a try, I simply looked up the yoga schedules at my gyms and went from there.  I did look at the websites of a few different local yoga studios and felt slightly overwhelmed when reading the different descriptions of the classes.  I had no idea there was a difference.  I thought that yoga was yoga.  Period. 

After three months, I can tell you a few things I have learned and what I prefer. 

First of all, I recently learned what Bikram yoga is.  I have absolutely ZERO desire to try this.  Do you know why?  Bikram yoga practices in the poses and postures in a studio where the temperature is set to a very high temperature, approximately 105 degrees F.  Seriously!  Who does this?  I hate the heat.  So this does not sound appealing to me. 

Two other styles of yoga are Hatha and Vinyasa, both of which I have now practiced. 

Reading up on the styles, Hatha is explained as a slower, gentler flow of poses and postures.  It is often recommended for beginners. 

Vinyasa moves through the poses a little more quickly.  You will do more poses and hold them for less time. 

I prefer the Vinyasa which is funny because most things I have read states that Vinyasa is best for advanced students.  I find the Vinyasa easier when it is a difficult pose because I don't have to hold the pose as long.  I suppose in all honesty, I should be doing the slower and perfecting those poses.  However, I think for me, a big reason some poses are difficult is that I am overweight.  (will work on that after the holidays!)  So holding some poses just gets so hard.  My arms get so achy! 

As I have said before yoga will be so much easier for me when I am skinny. 

One of these days when I feel a little more skilled, I would like to take classes at an actual yoga studio.  I'd love to see what it is like in that environment. 

For now, I'll enjoy my YMCA!

Give Me Strength, Flexibility, and a Little Zen

Another day at home without a vehicle. 

This is getting quite old to say the least. 

I love being home.  I love the days we have no activities, but I need to go places!  I need to go grocery shopping, to the bank, to the gym!

I NEED YOGA!

Here shortly, I plan to do some poses here at home.  As I have written before, it is never the same.  I often feel bored and distracted at home.  The time passes quite slowly. 

I shall do it!  I shall!

I'll do some salutations (rex style), some chair, tree, and warrior poses.  There's a pose that I do not know the name of that I shall do.  I shall stretch, stretch, and stretch some more. 

And my achy, tight, sore, inflexible body will thank me for it!

Some Much Needed Yoga!

Vehicle restrictions have made trips to the gym impossible this week.  I had high hopes of doing yoga at home, but it just didn't happen.  Tuesday morning was my last time to make it to Yoga class. 

Finally, today, my dear friend Mary drove me to one of my favorite classes.  The male instructor is probably in his sixties.  He wears his long hair in a ponytail and his clothes definitely make me think "hippie."  His classes are tough, but not too tough.  (sheepish grin) I sort of tricked my friend into the class by not telling her it was "advanced."  But seriously, I did his advanced class for my second class ever and was able to keep up. 

That's the great thing about yoga is that you can do as much as you can do.  If something is difficult, then change the pose. 

My body felt so incredibly tight today as though I had lost all flexibility in the short five days since my last class. 

Oh I do hope to some day be doing yoga every single day.  I do hope to get motivated enough to do it at home on the days that I cannot make it to the gym because often it is just too hard to get to the gym. 

I have done it at home a few times.  It's never the same. 

But yoga makes me feel good!  I feel both physically and mentally better when I am doing it!  The time spent in that class is so beneficial.  It helps my anxiety, it helps my mood. 

Now, back to the whole stuck at home without a car thing.  I'm hoping to go Tuesday evening after my husband returns from work if he gets home in time.  That's the question:  will he?

'Twas the Day Before Nothing...

Just a quick little poem that I felt like writing as I watch my children play and spend a lazy morning at home. 

 

'Twas the day before nothing, when all through the house

There were no plans or activities, except for my poor working spouse

Three children were playing an entertaining game

It's one of our favorites, Quirkle is the name

 As they sat on the floor telling the littlest what was right and wrong
They all were humming and singing a popular song
As "Let it Go!" sounded to my happy ears
I felt content for the moment watching my dears

 The kids were in shorts on this chilly fall day
I sat on the sofa still wearing my pj's
A day full of nothing is such a rare jewel
Though I may be missing mass made me feel like a fool

 The relaxing will have to cease at some point today
As we begin to clean and put the fall decorations away
For it is time to bring the boxes up the stairs
So the Christmas decorations can be placed everywhere

For now I will enjoy this moment of nothingness
For time like this is fleeting, most days are filled with stress
Thus this day before nothing will be happy, a ball
And I wish a very happy nothing Sunday to you all!

A Messy House Means You Aren't a Good Parent?

I think my children are pretty happy.  They are provided for by me and my husband. They are educated.  They are taught right from wrong.  They are loved.

 But sometimes my house is a mess.  Sometimes a big mess.  There are often dishes piled in the sink, clutter on the floor, unfinished laundry scattered in various rooms. 

 And it scares me to read an article like I did yesterday about a homeschooling family in my neck of the woods who was in trouble with child protective services because someone called in "a messy house."  When the family turned away a CPS agent, they sent a swat team who proceeded to raid their home.  The parents were even hit with tasers! 

 The children were temporarily removed from the home.  However, when this reached a judge, the judge threw out the case and gave the children back to their parents. 

This scares the hell out of me.  Seriously.  If someone came to my house today, my house is fairly clean.  However, if someone randomly showed up at my house a few days ago, it would not have been.

When I talk to other moms about the subject of the state of our homes, they are mostly in agreement with me.  Sometimes their house is clean, sometimes it isn't.  And on really bad weeks, it can be a disaster.  Throw a sick kid into the mix or a week of crazy schedules and who knows what the house will look like.   The week of Halloween I was so busy (doing things for my children) and so exhausted that my house was a disaster all week. 

How does that make you a bad parent?  How does that give the government the right to take away a child?  Is a child unloved just because there are cheerios on the floor?  Is a child abused because the sink is full of dirty dishes? 

This reminds me of the time a child was removed because he was overweight.  WAs that child unloved?

I think that there are times a child should be removed from a home (physical abuse, neglect).  I just think a messy house is pushing it too far. 

The thing is, for me, I have always struggled with the housekeeping thing.  It doesn't come naturally for me.  However, I do try.  I do attempt to pick up after my children.  I do try to keep up with that continuous stream of laundry.  I do try to clean the kitchen after the many meals I prepare.  And I also try to teach my children to do the same, but we aren't great at it. 

Does that make me a bad parent? 

I'm already a mom that knows my weaknesses, my failures.  I am already a mom who wishes I could improve in so many ways. 

But I love my children.  I would do anything for them.  I would give my own life for them. 

I'm not a good housekeeper though. 

The Good Stuff Does NOT Include Health Insurance

The world of medical bills is unbelievable.  '

 

When I was a child or even a college student, health insurance was something you could depend upon.

 

 My parents often had to worry about finances.  My dad was a farmer in the 1980's.  Money was often tight. 

Yet, through my father's employer, we had excellent health coverage.  My parents could go to the doctor or send us to the doctor if something was wrong. No financial worries.  It was covered.

Then there is life in the year 2014 and the medical world, health insurance stuff, it all sucks. 

 

First of all, my husband's company provides insurance that is not actually insurance.  we pay in monthly, but guess what we can do?  we can go to a well visit once a year.  THAT IS IT.  i'm not sure why we are even paying.  If I am sick, I cannot go to the doctor.  PERIOD. 

WE currently have medical bills out the ying yang.

 

my children have good coverage that we pay a monthly premium into the state.  we received a letter today that our monthly bill is going up by nearly $300 .  Yes, $300 per month. 

 

just in time for Christmas. 

 

Makes me want to say the F word. 

The Relationship between Yoga and Anxiety

A year ago I was having debilitating anxiety attacks.  I seriously felt like I was having a nervous breakdown.  I couldn't function.  I cried multiple times daily because I felt so messed up.  Of course, aggravating my anxiety was my grief over losing my son.  It was my first year without him which meant my first fall, my first Halloween, my first Thanksgiving, my first birthday, my first Christmas.  And all of that was Hell. 

Because of my overwhelming anxiety, I turned to prescription medication.  It helped.  I managed to survive the holidays.  However, my brain and body felt like it was in a fog.  I felt like a zombie.  Sure, this was better than the mess I was before, but I didn't like it.  I didn't like that I never cried even when I felt like crying. 

So eventually, I stopped the anxiety pills. 

I had been exercising which helped.  Though during that time of my near nervous breakdown, I did stop going to the gym.  It was winter.  I was lazy.   Early spring came and I finally made it back to the gym.  Thankfully, I have been going ever since. 

Back-peddling here:  I suffered anxiety about five years prior as well.  I found that simply adding exercise to my life helped.  Of course, I wasn't dealing with the loss of a child at that point in time.  So the anxiety wasn't quite as overwhelming to handle. 

Back to now:  Exercise was helping.  However, I was still feeling some anxiety here and there.  (I think I will always feel some anxiety here and there because of the trauma I have faced.)  After a recent anxiety attack, I decided to try yoga.  I had wanted to try yoga for years.  So I tried it.  I started doing yoga regularly over two months ago.  I still haven't reached my goal of doing it daily, but I try.  I would say I am doing it four days a week now, though I am aiming for five.  I have one day that seems nearly impossible due to my busy schedule.  I will know I have achieved yoga greatness (ha) when I start squeezing it into that busy day. 

Since starting yoga, I have not had any anxiety.  None. 

 Coincidence? 

I don't know.  I just know that Yoga makes me feel the best I have felt in awhile. 

My Yoga Morning Could Have Been Better

There was a lack of sleep last night, perhaps that was part of it.  I awoke with the temptation to skip yoga.  I wasn't planning to skip it altogether.  I thought I'd go to a later class.  I believe there is an evening class on Tuesdays.  Yet, I realized that I may as well get out of bed because I was awake. 

I have come to realize that I am more off-balance at the early morning classes than I am later.  I couldn't hold a pose for the life for me today.  I wiggled, I wobbled, I wibbled, I woggled. 

The instructor did something I am not a huge fan of:  she held the poses for longer and did less.  I forget what that style is called, maybe Hatha.  I know I prefer the Vinyasa Flow yoga where the poses are held for less time.  My biggest problem with the longer held poses is that sometimes I have a pose that is especially tough for me.  If it is tough and I have a hard time holding it period, then the fifteen seconds of it will feel wasted to me. 

The instructor had some serious expectations for the strength of my arms today that is JUST NOT THERE. 

I wish I would start losing weight.  Yoga would be so much easier if I weighed forty pounds less.

Batman Cake for my Son (He is Batman by the way)

Talk about your rich, decadent, delicious cake. 

 

Moist chocolate with homemade raspberry whipped

 

cream, topped with a dark chocolate ganache glaze.

 

 

I decided to stage the cake on a black tablecloth with a chalk sketch of a city skyline. 

simple, but yum and fun

He said it was a really good birthday, so I'm happy about it. 

 Here are two posts I wrote on my other blog:

http://www.bubblews.com/news/9377081-why-i-decided-that-this-cake-must-be-fabulous

http://www.bubblews.com/news/9376881-batman-cake-with-a-gotham-tablecloth