today that I must start blogging on my other blogs again.... simply because I need to write about good stuff again... or birthday cakes... or frugal ideas... or (my new one) tv episodes.
Nolan dying is the forefront idea in my head at all times. it's like a big, big exclamation point... BAM! that's my life. my life is the fact that his life ended. it sucks. so much. more than anything you can imagine. I used to imagine it when I heard of other children dying... I'd say "oh my gosh, those poor people, I couldn't go on".... and I can't. yet I have to.
fair or not to my other kids, Nolan has become this focal point to my life now. everything that happens... oh you did good at soccer today? (wow, Nolan should have played soccer) oh, you loved that movie? (Nolan should have watched that movie with us, he would have loved it) oh, you want to eat at noodles and company? (Nolan would have tried to get us to eat there)...
but I have to do things, other things, I have to sometimes force myself to think of other stuff.
so part of that is writing in my other blogs....
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I will love my five children forever.....
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