Friendship

As I get older, I find it much more difficult to make friends. Growing up, I was always a happy-go-lucky, social being with friends galore. When I was in collge, I made friends. When I had a career, I made friends. Even during the early years of staying home with my kids, I made friends through playgroups, mom groups, etc. It's become increasingly difficult to forge that true bond since becoming not only a stay-at-home mom, but also a homeschooling mom.
How do I find that special someone? I often feel like a girl does on a first date with a boy when I meet someone whom I think has potential as a friend. "Will she call me?" "Does she like my kids?" "Did I talk too much?".... How do I find someone who not only shares my interests and values, but also has kids around the same ages as my own?
Don't get me wrong, I have many acquaintances. I am involved in various activities where I, and the kids, get to see people. But I want that friend who I feel like I can just drop in on at any time. I want that friend who can drop in on my house (usually in a state of chaos) and I won't feel embarrassed. My mom had a friend like that, Dixie. I always think to myself "I need my own Dixie."
I was very thankful about a year ago to reconnect with my old college roommate, Jami. We lost track of each other after college for various reasons. We had a sort of falling out, then I moved to Chicago before it could be completely patched up. We kind of made up, but then just lost touch. So when the age of Facebook came around, I was on there trying to find her. Finally found her & we agreed to meet for lunch. I honestly wasn't sure how it would pan out. It had been probably 11 years or so since I had seen her. She's a career gal, I'm not anymore. I figured it would be at least nice to think of her as a friend again, even if we no longer "clicked". So we finally had lunch which started with a big hug & tears from us both, good start. I knew it meant as much to her as it did to me. And then we sat and talked while eating our beloved Mexican food for a couple of hours. It was great to say that we did still click and it was a friendship worth rebuilding. Due to our busy and different lives, we are only able to see each other maybe once a month or once every two months. Wish we'd do it more, but it's still always a treat to see her. And I am thankful to have her back in my life.
Another friendship I am so thankful for is Nancy. She's been in my life for over 20 years, which seems amazing to think it's been that long. We talk via email daily and I know I can tell her absolutely anything. Only problem with that wonderful friendship is that she lives in Alaska. We get to see each other, at most, once a year for a few hours. Alaska or not, I could not imagine my life without her.
Sometimes I just feel like I am really missing something though. That fellow homeschool mom who has kids around the same age as my own that I see at least once a week for just the heck of it. Perhaps I am slightly melancholy today because a friend whose kids are my kids very best friends just put her kids in school. I'm a little sad. My kids are a little sad. So this is probably not the most upbeat blog ever.....

A Good Day

The sun was shining as we enjoyed an hour at our neighborhood playground. The three-year-old giggled as he felt that funny tummy feeling from swinging high. The six-year-old ran in her carefree manner from climbing apparatus to swing to slide. The eight-year-old played a game of wrestle, then chase, then wrestle, with the dog. The ten-year-old had some comraderie with a fellow neighborhood boy as they shot some hoops. The 40-year-old (me) sat on a warm bench listening to the sounds of childhood joy while reading a few pages of To Kill a Mockingbird. We eventually meandered home so we could eat some pasta for dinner. After dinner, the 45 year old played chess with the eight-year-old. Family reading time consisted of the final pages of Harry Potter 6. And as darkness entered the night, the family took pleasure in a sign of the approach of Spring, a lovely March thunderstorm. It was a good day.

The Little Things

Life's greatest pleasures may be found in the smallest of things. Here are some of my favorite "small" things: hearing my 3 year old say "I love you" with that perfectly sweet voice of his; the perfect cup of coffee accompanied by uninterrupted conversation with the man I love; the not-so-perfect cup of coffee with my dear husband that is most definitely interrupted by the chaos of our four beautiful children; the smell and the sound of rain; reading a great book in bed until I am too sleepy to keep my eyes open; bathing in the beauty of a wonderful piece of art; discussing art with my art-loving hubby; sitting in the backyard on a warm summer evening drinking a Boulevard Wheat beer with my favorite guy; riding the El in Chicago; listening to the birds sing; watching Lord of the Rings with my family; playing in the snow with my kids; a snowfall that is full of fat, fluffy, fast-falling flakes; my eight-year-old's constant enthusiastic questions of "what's your favorite.... (whale, tree, shark, thing that flies, movie, food, book)"; watching my children run with carefree abandon; dancing uninhibitedly in my living room to fun pop music; singing along with John Denver at the top of my voice; closing my eyes and listening to a masterpiece by Mozart, Boccerini, or Haydn to name a few; sitting in a smoky bar enjoying live jazz; my Dad's corny sense of humor; my Mom laughing so hard that she snorts; my children's faces on Christmas morning; snuggling with my kids; holding hands with Patrick.

My First Blog

Starting a blog is something I have considered, yet hesitated to actually do. What would it be about? I love to talk about many things. Should my blog focus on one thing? I love to talk about good food. How about that? What about family, motherhood, marriage? Literature? Wine? Too many choices. So I'm not going to limit my topics. I think I will allow my mind, my thoughts, my writing to wonder. Another reason I hesitated about blogging was my insecurities letting someone actually read my thoughts, my feelings, or even worse, MY IMPERFECT WRITING!!!! But I decided to go ahead and dive into the blogosphere (isn't that what they call it?). And I'm not going to be a perfectionist here. I'm just going to write what I feel like writing. Some things may be better than others. Oh and btw, I have this dream of someday writing a book. ((Don't all bloggers?)) and to be a writer, you need to write. So here I sit writing. I'm full of ideas. I probably have ten book ideas, 3 screenplays, and an unlimited of ideas for blog posts. So ready, set, here I go!