A Messy House Means You Aren't a Good Parent?

I think my children are pretty happy.  They are provided for by me and my husband. They are educated.  They are taught right from wrong.  They are loved.

 But sometimes my house is a mess.  Sometimes a big mess.  There are often dishes piled in the sink, clutter on the floor, unfinished laundry scattered in various rooms. 

 And it scares me to read an article like I did yesterday about a homeschooling family in my neck of the woods who was in trouble with child protective services because someone called in "a messy house."  When the family turned away a CPS agent, they sent a swat team who proceeded to raid their home.  The parents were even hit with tasers! 

 The children were temporarily removed from the home.  However, when this reached a judge, the judge threw out the case and gave the children back to their parents. 

This scares the hell out of me.  Seriously.  If someone came to my house today, my house is fairly clean.  However, if someone randomly showed up at my house a few days ago, it would not have been.

When I talk to other moms about the subject of the state of our homes, they are mostly in agreement with me.  Sometimes their house is clean, sometimes it isn't.  And on really bad weeks, it can be a disaster.  Throw a sick kid into the mix or a week of crazy schedules and who knows what the house will look like.   The week of Halloween I was so busy (doing things for my children) and so exhausted that my house was a disaster all week. 

How does that make you a bad parent?  How does that give the government the right to take away a child?  Is a child unloved just because there are cheerios on the floor?  Is a child abused because the sink is full of dirty dishes? 

This reminds me of the time a child was removed because he was overweight.  WAs that child unloved?

I think that there are times a child should be removed from a home (physical abuse, neglect).  I just think a messy house is pushing it too far. 

The thing is, for me, I have always struggled with the housekeeping thing.  It doesn't come naturally for me.  However, I do try.  I do attempt to pick up after my children.  I do try to keep up with that continuous stream of laundry.  I do try to clean the kitchen after the many meals I prepare.  And I also try to teach my children to do the same, but we aren't great at it. 

Does that make me a bad parent? 

I'm already a mom that knows my weaknesses, my failures.  I am already a mom who wishes I could improve in so many ways. 

But I love my children.  I would do anything for them.  I would give my own life for them. 

I'm not a good housekeeper though. 

Homeschooling, Winning the Lottery, and Avoiding Work

It is just after 1:00pm in my quiet household.  As I just informed the children that it was time to return to our school work, I had to hear the usual sighs, complaints, groans.  They act like they have it so rough, my kids.  They truly think they do which gets a little old.

So my daughter (true to form) started talking about something distracting.  Today's topic of choice:  what would you do if we won 2 billion dollars in the lottery?  I gave her a brief answer.  Of course, she wanted to hold a long conversation.  And yes, I had to stop the conversation because have been extremely unproductive today.

Homeschool can be quite difficult some days, let me tell you!

I know people everywhere I go, yet I feel like I belong nowhere

Do other people feel like this?  Seriously, everyone else seems to belong SOMEWHERE... church, school, homeschooling group, high school friends, college friends, work, extended family, neighborhood.

 

I'm lonely.  Period.  End of story.  Ok, not end of story I guess because, well, I don't like to be lonely.  I don't want to be lonely.  I have always been an extremely social being.  Too social probably.  I loved, loved, loved school my entire childhood.  Not only did I excel at school, but it was a time to see my friends!  Then came college where my social life kind of messed up what I was there for.  I loved to have fun & hang with my friends & there was always someone who wanted to do something fun with me.  Next, after graduation came work.  I always made friends where I worked.  Always hung out with friends outside of work.  It did start getting a little tougher though.  I moved to Chicago & had a wonderful job & wonderful friends at my job.  However, I did feel, even then, at times, out of place.  Mostly because I was a transplant & everyone I was friends with had family around there.  Next, marriage & children.  This is when it became really, really tough.  After a year of being home with my firstborn, I finally found a moms' group.  Made some nice friends.  However, still often felt out of place.  Due to things just not working out the way they should have, we have a small house & less money than everyone we seem to be friends with... It's hard.  I was an ambitious girl & young woman.  I had a great job.  I had potential.  yet, here we are living in a small house that is impossible to maintain.  I know that hinders my abilities to connect because I never feel like I can invite people over here. 

 

Then came homeschooling.... and that is when things became, well, almost impossible.   I'm involved.  We have activities.  But man... I am SOOOO lonely.   And I don't belong ANYWHERE.... I belonged to a co-op & then people put their kids in school or became involved in a different group & the co-op was no more.  I joined one homeschool group & everyone lived close to each other & we never were invited to things.  I joined another homeschool group & everyone else already was friends & didn't seem interested in forming any new friendships.   I joined another homeschool group and everyone was way, way, way too liberal and cliquish to boot.  I joined a co-op, met some nice folks, then they stopped doing the co-op, moved, and lived too far away to see anymore.  Same co-op 2 years later, I now feel out of place because probably more than half of the members belong to the same church & they all seem to be really good friends & I am the outsider.  I take my kids to soccer & meet some nice moms there who are very welcoming & kind.  However, they all are active in their schools and well, that just puts up a little boundary.  I go to a church where there is NOTHING social & it takes years to get to know people. 

 

I make friends, but the friendships never seem to grow into that special friendship that is like sisterhood.    I don't have friends that I can just drop in on a moment's notice just to have coffee.  or just to cry.  I remember one time when I was a child my mom & dad getting into an argument & my mom being upset.  She took me & we drove over to Dixie's house so my mom could have a good cry on her best friend's shoulder.  That's what I want. 

 

I've just een really down lately about this.  I could go on & on & whine & whine bcause well, that is wha tthis is... an "I feel sorry for me" kind of blogpost....  next post will be about some delicious food, I promise