The Fat Yogi

Yoga was depressing today.  I'm the fattest yogi in the room.  I need to lose weight.  I hope that this money comes through soon.  I want to join weight watchers right after Christmas.  I need a kick in the behind from something.

Yoga and Mirrors

I've mentioned before my need to lose weight.  Although I am quite aware of this, it still was somewhat discouraging to see myself at my yoga class today. 

The renovation of our yoga room included the addition of mirrors. 

Mirrors!  Yikes!

I look pregnant.  No joking. 

It didn't help that today I wore my biggest oldest sloppy t-shirt which ended up being too loose to be comfortable for yoga.  I kept needing to pull it down.  Annoying. 

Yes, there is a benefit to the mirrors.  I can see my form better.  And (although I look crappy in weight, my form is not bad) yes, that is good in the long run. 

However, right here and now in the short run, I am seeing my fat body in the mirrors and I do not like what I see.    It's not that I never look in mirrors at home.  However, at home, I am not standing in warrior one pose looking at my big ol' pudgy belly. 

I hope to start a weight loss plan after the holidays.   In the meanwhile, I'll continue to exercise. 

And I'll do my best to keep my eyes off the mirrors. 

Can You Do a Headstand?

I've been doing yoga for around 3.5 months now.  Previously I have written about the progress I have made since my beginning.  

Today we did headstands. 

In the beginning, I wouldn't even attempt a headstand.

The funny thing is that I was quite athletic in my youth doing things like cartwheels, front flips, back bends, backward walkovers, and the like.  Now when I see that stuff, i wonder how I never did such things!

However, I must say that I am getting more brave.  I will now do a tripod which is a beginner version of a headstand.  And I will do a head/hand stand against the wall. 

I am getting there. 

Considering that I used to do stuff like this all the time, I'm confident that I will eventually be able to do a handstand completely unassisted. 

The question is when?

The Question on Everyone's Mind: Will You Do Yoga Today?

Wednesdays are my hardest, longest day. 

It is probably the day of the week that yoga is most needed. 

Yet I cannot seem to muster up the energy come Wednesday afternoon or evening. 

I have two choices:  1)  I could do it on my own at home in the afternoon.  2)  I could head back out into the cold to the 6:30pm class where an instructor would push me and make me enjoy it.

Oh and the third choice is to be lazy. 

The weather is cold and dreary today.  Again, it has been a long one. 

I'm just not feeling it. 

I hope to someday be at the point that I want to do it at home no matter what. 

I'm not there yet. 

Is there hope for me?

Do You Exercise When Feeling Icky?

The morning brought with it a headache and a case of the "icks" today. 

If you ask me why I don't feel good, I can't quite explain it.  It's just a bit of ickiness and blahs.  (The headache left after my morning coffee, water, and Ibuprofen.)

I had planned an afternoon visit to the gym for some cardio and weight training, but the icks prevailed. 

Would I have felt better had I exercised?  Most likely. 

Instead I have allowed myself to be icky and blah and ugh all day. 

Do you force yourself to exercise when you don't feel your best?

I'm Having a Love Affair with Yoga

Don't tell my husband, but I am having a love affair with YOGA.  Yes, it's reached that point.

 I find myself preferring yoga to all other activities. 

When I realized my moms' night out this week will conflict with my Friday night yoga class, I was beyond despair! 

When I realized that the children's Christmas program would conflict with the following Friday night yoga class, I wanted to scream and shout at the top of my lungs.

 When another dear friend sent a message about getting together with multiple friends the first Friday in January, again, my thoughts turned to YOGA.

Is it wrong to be obsessed with my dear flexible, zen-creating friend?Will all my friends start avoiding me because they know that I am being a harlot with yoga?

 

Will my children find out?

 

What will they say?

 

 

Progress

As I wrote last night, I am having a love affair with yoga.  Perhaps I am merely in the honeymoon phase.  Perhaps the passion cannot last.  Perhaps. 

Or perhaps I have found something with which I will have a lifelong relationship.

I hope that is the case. 

As I make progress, I do find myself loving it more. 

For example, last night's class was an excellent, challenging class from one of my favorite instructors.  One of the final poses of the evening was crow pose.  Although crow isn't terribly difficult, initially, I found it tough.  Maybe my arms weren't strong enough to hold my chubby body.  Now I can do it.   I also can shift my body to where I am on my head.  When I first began yoga, the feeling of any pressure on my head was disturbing and uncomfortable. 

My flexibility is slowly improving, though I still have a long way to go.  I cannot get over how difficult it is for me to reach with my arms behind my back.  I often wonder if it is truly lack of flexibility or if it is that my arms are short. 

I'm happy with my progress. 

photo credit:  pixabay

That's How I Know I Love Yoga...

Fridays tend to be long, long days.  They can seem even longer if I have a bad sleep the night before like I did last night. 

I awoke around 4am because the cat pushed open my door.  (I love that cat, but grrrrr)

Then I never returned to sleep.

Needless to say, I have been so sleepy all day. 

Additionally, I have been extra sad today. 

The easiest thing in the world would be to come home and sit on my bottom while drinking wine and watching movies.  Oh how tempting that was today when I was tired and it was rainy, cold, and dreary!

Yet I craved my Friday night yoga class.   I pushed myself through my tiredness and went.  And yes, not only did I do it, I loved doing it! 

If I were simply planning to go to the gym and workout on the elliptical and the weights, I would have been too tired to go. 

Yoga is different.

When I think of how much I love doing it compared to other workouts, I am amazed at the difference.

My Favorite Yoga Instructor

Her name is Amy B. and she teaches at the YMCA.  She only teaches one yoga class at that location.

 OH HOW I WISH SHE TAUGHT MORE!  I LOVE HER!  (ok, so I don't "love her" love her, I just think she is a fabulous instructor.)  My first ever yoga class was with her and I am so glad for that. 

 Her classes always offer something different.  She works different areas each week and no matter what, I feel like I have experienced a workout. 

She also offers something in the spirituality of it, the mental benefits.  She offers words of inspiration.   Something about her almost always brings me to tears by the end of the class.  That may not sound like a good thing, but it is!  They are tears of release!

 

Today's class focused on the hips.  It felt good;  it felt tough at times;  it felt relaxing as well. 

 

Yesterday I was suffering from intense anxiety.  My start with her today was a much needed thing.

 

If only I could attend her classes every single day!

Sunrise Yoga? I Don't Get It!

Perhaps it is because I am simply NOT a morning person.  I'm just not.  I would rather sleep. 

In fact, tomorrow I have plans to go to an 8:00am yoga class and I am not thrilled about it. 

I'm thrilled about the yoga, just not the time. 

Again, I would rather sleep.

So when I hear about these yoga studios that offer sunrise yoga, I find it completely unappealing.  For one thing, early in the morning, my body feels extra tight and off-balance.  The early morning classes seem so much more difficult for me to keep the poses or even reach the poses. 

There is way more "ouch" to morning yoga. 

I wonder if the morning yoga might be a better way to start your day if you suffer from anxiety (which I do).  Perhaps the spiritual and mental benefits outweigh the negatives from the stiff morning muscles.

I could see doing sunset yoga.  That sounds nice. 

Much nicer because it does not require me to set my alarm clock.

Three Months of Yoga

Does three months of regular practice of yoga sound like a lot to you?   In the scheme of all things zen, it actually is not.  Yet I feel good about three months.

 I attend some advanced classes and I do a pretty good job of keeping up at this point.  That's something.  I still say how much easier it will be for me when I shed some of these unwanted pounds.  I was especially thinking that tonight at my class. 

The instructor who is already fairly tough decided to hold each pose longer than usual.  As my arms were burning in plank pose and downward facing dog, I couldn't help but dream of weighing 50 pounds less.

 As I still struggle to keep learning poses and mastering poses, I do not focus as much on breathing, relaxing.  However, I do already see the benefits to this aspect of yoga practice.

Prior to starting my yoga journey, I could never breathe (it seemed).  My breathing has improved.

As I have mentioned before, there is definitely the benefit of less anxiety.  I would like to say that all anxiety has disappeared, maybe someday!

Three months ago, I could not do the tripod pose.  Today I did. 

Three months ago, my hands and wrists hurt for days after my first two classes.

Three months ago, I didn't know a cobra pose from an eagle pose.

Three months ago, I didn't know how much I would love yoga.

Could it be the Tryptophan?

I am feeling LAZY. 

I had high, high hopes of doing yoga today.  My workout routine is a disaster due to vehicle problems.  Getting the gym is a challenge right now and motivation at home is slim. 

But my hopes were high!

I said I WOULD go to the gym!

Yet... 

Here I sit among a mess in my house. 

I don't have any energy.

 

I suppose it could be the lack of sleep the last three nights in a row.

 

or it could be that I was upper early today.

 

Or it could be the tryptophan from the turkey.

 

 

A New Option for Yoga

As I have mentioned, I have been without a vehicle for nearly a month now thanks to a paperwork nightmare that we are trying to straighten out.  The biggest issue has been me getting to the gym for my Yoga classes.  (thankfully, the children are in low activity mode right now)

My husband's work schedule has made it so I can get there occasionally, but not regularly like I need. 

I know so many folks who do their yoga at home always. 

I am just not good at exercising at home. 

I'm just not.

A month or so ago, I downloaded a yoga app, but I found it boring. 

Yesterday I decided to check out youtube.  I found many yoga videos on there.  I started one by that Jillian chick from the Greatest Loser show, but the video wasn't working.  The next in line was one by Denise Austen.  Although I am not a big fan of her, I decided to try it. 

It was a 30 minute class that was fairly basic.  It went much more quickly than if I were trying to do it at home without a class.  It wasn't great, but it was something which was more than I was getting. 

So that is my plan.  From now on, I will try to do videos at home if I cannot get to the gym (which at this rate, who knows when I can drive my van again.)

Here's the youtube video that I watched. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daoU86HqYPg

Comparing Yoga Styles, A Newbie's Perspective

I'm no expert at Yoga.  I simply know that I enjoy it. 

I have been practicing for nearly three months now which is nothing in the long journey of life. 

My yoga practice takes place at three different YMCA locations which I live in close proximity, as well as occasionally at home.   When I first decided to give it a try, I simply looked up the yoga schedules at my gyms and went from there.  I did look at the websites of a few different local yoga studios and felt slightly overwhelmed when reading the different descriptions of the classes.  I had no idea there was a difference.  I thought that yoga was yoga.  Period. 

After three months, I can tell you a few things I have learned and what I prefer. 

First of all, I recently learned what Bikram yoga is.  I have absolutely ZERO desire to try this.  Do you know why?  Bikram yoga practices in the poses and postures in a studio where the temperature is set to a very high temperature, approximately 105 degrees F.  Seriously!  Who does this?  I hate the heat.  So this does not sound appealing to me. 

Two other styles of yoga are Hatha and Vinyasa, both of which I have now practiced. 

Reading up on the styles, Hatha is explained as a slower, gentler flow of poses and postures.  It is often recommended for beginners. 

Vinyasa moves through the poses a little more quickly.  You will do more poses and hold them for less time. 

I prefer the Vinyasa which is funny because most things I have read states that Vinyasa is best for advanced students.  I find the Vinyasa easier when it is a difficult pose because I don't have to hold the pose as long.  I suppose in all honesty, I should be doing the slower and perfecting those poses.  However, I think for me, a big reason some poses are difficult is that I am overweight.  (will work on that after the holidays!)  So holding some poses just gets so hard.  My arms get so achy! 

As I have said before yoga will be so much easier for me when I am skinny. 

One of these days when I feel a little more skilled, I would like to take classes at an actual yoga studio.  I'd love to see what it is like in that environment. 

For now, I'll enjoy my YMCA!

Some Much Needed Yoga!

Vehicle restrictions have made trips to the gym impossible this week.  I had high hopes of doing yoga at home, but it just didn't happen.  Tuesday morning was my last time to make it to Yoga class. 

Finally, today, my dear friend Mary drove me to one of my favorite classes.  The male instructor is probably in his sixties.  He wears his long hair in a ponytail and his clothes definitely make me think "hippie."  His classes are tough, but not too tough.  (sheepish grin) I sort of tricked my friend into the class by not telling her it was "advanced."  But seriously, I did his advanced class for my second class ever and was able to keep up. 

That's the great thing about yoga is that you can do as much as you can do.  If something is difficult, then change the pose. 

My body felt so incredibly tight today as though I had lost all flexibility in the short five days since my last class. 

Oh I do hope to some day be doing yoga every single day.  I do hope to get motivated enough to do it at home on the days that I cannot make it to the gym because often it is just too hard to get to the gym. 

I have done it at home a few times.  It's never the same. 

But yoga makes me feel good!  I feel both physically and mentally better when I am doing it!  The time spent in that class is so beneficial.  It helps my anxiety, it helps my mood. 

Now, back to the whole stuck at home without a car thing.  I'm hoping to go Tuesday evening after my husband returns from work if he gets home in time.  That's the question:  will he?

The Relationship between Yoga and Anxiety

A year ago I was having debilitating anxiety attacks.  I seriously felt like I was having a nervous breakdown.  I couldn't function.  I cried multiple times daily because I felt so messed up.  Of course, aggravating my anxiety was my grief over losing my son.  It was my first year without him which meant my first fall, my first Halloween, my first Thanksgiving, my first birthday, my first Christmas.  And all of that was Hell. 

Because of my overwhelming anxiety, I turned to prescription medication.  It helped.  I managed to survive the holidays.  However, my brain and body felt like it was in a fog.  I felt like a zombie.  Sure, this was better than the mess I was before, but I didn't like it.  I didn't like that I never cried even when I felt like crying. 

So eventually, I stopped the anxiety pills. 

I had been exercising which helped.  Though during that time of my near nervous breakdown, I did stop going to the gym.  It was winter.  I was lazy.   Early spring came and I finally made it back to the gym.  Thankfully, I have been going ever since. 

Back-peddling here:  I suffered anxiety about five years prior as well.  I found that simply adding exercise to my life helped.  Of course, I wasn't dealing with the loss of a child at that point in time.  So the anxiety wasn't quite as overwhelming to handle. 

Back to now:  Exercise was helping.  However, I was still feeling some anxiety here and there.  (I think I will always feel some anxiety here and there because of the trauma I have faced.)  After a recent anxiety attack, I decided to try yoga.  I had wanted to try yoga for years.  So I tried it.  I started doing yoga regularly over two months ago.  I still haven't reached my goal of doing it daily, but I try.  I would say I am doing it four days a week now, though I am aiming for five.  I have one day that seems nearly impossible due to my busy schedule.  I will know I have achieved yoga greatness (ha) when I start squeezing it into that busy day. 

Since starting yoga, I have not had any anxiety.  None. 

 Coincidence? 

I don't know.  I just know that Yoga makes me feel the best I have felt in awhile. 

My Yoga Morning Could Have Been Better

There was a lack of sleep last night, perhaps that was part of it.  I awoke with the temptation to skip yoga.  I wasn't planning to skip it altogether.  I thought I'd go to a later class.  I believe there is an evening class on Tuesdays.  Yet, I realized that I may as well get out of bed because I was awake. 

I have come to realize that I am more off-balance at the early morning classes than I am later.  I couldn't hold a pose for the life for me today.  I wiggled, I wobbled, I wibbled, I woggled. 

The instructor did something I am not a huge fan of:  she held the poses for longer and did less.  I forget what that style is called, maybe Hatha.  I know I prefer the Vinyasa Flow yoga where the poses are held for less time.  My biggest problem with the longer held poses is that sometimes I have a pose that is especially tough for me.  If it is tough and I have a hard time holding it period, then the fifteen seconds of it will feel wasted to me. 

The instructor had some serious expectations for the strength of my arms today that is JUST NOT THERE. 

I wish I would start losing weight.  Yoga would be so much easier if I weighed forty pounds less.

Yoga Thoughts for Today

We are still down to one vehicle which hinders my ability to travel!  No driving means no yoga.  Well, it means no yoga classes.  I can still do yoga at home.  I just am not that good at doing it at home. 

Especially on a day like today where I am feeling lazy and tired. 

I did it though.  I am wearing very uncomfortable pants though which inspired this post:

http://www.bubblews.com/news/9362137-a-yoga-journey-comfy-clothes-are-a-must

It's sad when my comfy workout pants have become so tight that they are no longer comfortable. 

I really need to start dieting.  It's depressing me. 

That's not good stuff.

Yoga: Hope for the Newbie

Yesterday, my friend posted a photograph of herself in a difficult Yoga pose.  She was in a sort of back bend with one leg kicked upward.  I was impressed!  When I ran into her today, I asked her if she had always been that flexible and how long she had been practicing yoga.

Her response to the first inquiry was no, she has not always been that flexible.  Yay!  There is hope for me!

Her next answer was that she has been practicing yoga for two years. 

The other thing that gave me hope is that she has been doing it at home using a simple app on her own for all of those two years.  She has gained that much strength and flexibility by simply following an app. 

I'm having a rough week due to vehicle things.  Getting to my Yoga classes is going to be pretty much impossible.  So I will do it at home.  And I am going to learn to not make excuses anymore.  If I am home, I can squeeze in at least thirty minutes of Yoga. 

She seriously motivated me!

Photo credit:  my own

Yoga and Anxiety

I have been attracted to the thought of Yoga for quite awhile.  In fact, I tried a class probably ten years ago that was a pilates-yoga combination class at my then-current gym.  I wasn't impressed at the time.  It was probably too large a venue for a newbie like me.  I didn't try again. 

Then anxiety arrived in my life.  Initially, I seemed to manage it.  It went away.  Then my son died.  Anxiety returned in full force.  It became overwhelming.  I turned to prescription anxiety meds for help.  It helped me through those rough first holidays last year.  What I found, though, was that prescription medicine made me feel like a zombie.  I seriously had no emotion.  I didn't cry for months.  And I am a crier.  I went through my first Christmas without my son and I didn't cry.  Sure, I didn't want to be a basket case, but I wanted to feel my real emotions. 

So shortly after the holidays, I said bye bye to the prescription medicines. 

Exercise has always helped with my anxiety.  So I was trying to keep up with that as well.  As I started to feel a slight upturn in anxiety again, I decided to find a yoga class.  I belong to the YMCA which offers yoga classes.  So I had to find schedules that worked with me.  I did so.

Now it is over two months since I started and I can say that my anxiety has seemed under control.  I feel like I leave yoga class relaxed.  I can breathe easier, literally. 

I hated the idea of being tied to medications to function day to day.  I'm so glad I ditched them and found a more natural way to handle my stress.