Do You Hold a Grudge?

I was thinking today about holding grudges.  I'll admit that sometimes I do.   It's never for anything minor, only the major infractions.    In fact, I can only think of two particular people with whom I still hold grudges. 

One was a college roommate who was stealing from me.  The theft itself was bothersome, but there was more about the way she treated me when she knew I was onto her. Her attitude was one of condescension and snottiness. Oh and then I remember once a year or so after college I was waitressing.  She came into the restaurant and I had to serve her.  And she didn't tip me!  Oh I was beside myself.  First she steals from me, then that?    I just can't get over all of that.  I definitely feel a grudge toward her.

The other is more complicated.  It's family related.   And it's ridiculous.  I'm not going to air that grievance in public, but I must say that this person was totally in the wrong, immature, and mean.  And I can't help it.  I have a grudge.  The bad thing is I will be forced to spend time with this person again soon.  I'm not sure how I will handle that.  I haven't seen him since it transpired over a year ago.

I don't hold grudges for small things.  Life is life and no one is perfect.  Friends will sometimes say the wrong things.  People make mistakes.  We all make bad choices sometimes.  And even on the big things, if someone apologizes, I will forgive them.  That's the thing with the two big things I wrote about above.  I have never and will never receive apologies from them.  If they apologized, I would let it go. 

Do you hold grudges?

I know people everywhere I go, yet I feel like I belong nowhere

Do other people feel like this?  Seriously, everyone else seems to belong SOMEWHERE... church, school, homeschooling group, high school friends, college friends, work, extended family, neighborhood.

 

I'm lonely.  Period.  End of story.  Ok, not end of story I guess because, well, I don't like to be lonely.  I don't want to be lonely.  I have always been an extremely social being.  Too social probably.  I loved, loved, loved school my entire childhood.  Not only did I excel at school, but it was a time to see my friends!  Then came college where my social life kind of messed up what I was there for.  I loved to have fun & hang with my friends & there was always someone who wanted to do something fun with me.  Next, after graduation came work.  I always made friends where I worked.  Always hung out with friends outside of work.  It did start getting a little tougher though.  I moved to Chicago & had a wonderful job & wonderful friends at my job.  However, I did feel, even then, at times, out of place.  Mostly because I was a transplant & everyone I was friends with had family around there.  Next, marriage & children.  This is when it became really, really tough.  After a year of being home with my firstborn, I finally found a moms' group.  Made some nice friends.  However, still often felt out of place.  Due to things just not working out the way they should have, we have a small house & less money than everyone we seem to be friends with... It's hard.  I was an ambitious girl & young woman.  I had a great job.  I had potential.  yet, here we are living in a small house that is impossible to maintain.  I know that hinders my abilities to connect because I never feel like I can invite people over here. 

 

Then came homeschooling.... and that is when things became, well, almost impossible.   I'm involved.  We have activities.  But man... I am SOOOO lonely.   And I don't belong ANYWHERE.... I belonged to a co-op & then people put their kids in school or became involved in a different group & the co-op was no more.  I joined one homeschool group & everyone lived close to each other & we never were invited to things.  I joined another homeschool group & everyone else already was friends & didn't seem interested in forming any new friendships.   I joined another homeschool group and everyone was way, way, way too liberal and cliquish to boot.  I joined a co-op, met some nice folks, then they stopped doing the co-op, moved, and lived too far away to see anymore.  Same co-op 2 years later, I now feel out of place because probably more than half of the members belong to the same church & they all seem to be really good friends & I am the outsider.  I take my kids to soccer & meet some nice moms there who are very welcoming & kind.  However, they all are active in their schools and well, that just puts up a little boundary.  I go to a church where there is NOTHING social & it takes years to get to know people. 

 

I make friends, but the friendships never seem to grow into that special friendship that is like sisterhood.    I don't have friends that I can just drop in on a moment's notice just to have coffee.  or just to cry.  I remember one time when I was a child my mom & dad getting into an argument & my mom being upset.  She took me & we drove over to Dixie's house so my mom could have a good cry on her best friend's shoulder.  That's what I want. 

 

I've just een really down lately about this.  I could go on & on & whine & whine bcause well, that is wha tthis is... an "I feel sorry for me" kind of blogpost....  next post will be about some delicious food, I promise

I, Melinda Jill, take you, Patrick, to be my husband.

"I, Melinda Jill, take you, Patrick, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."

Today is the anniversary of my marriage to my perfect husband. I'm not saying he is "perfect" perfect because let's face it, none of us are perfect. However, I know that God chose Patrick as my husband and he is perfect for me. We have faced many ups and downs during our marriage. I honestly believe we have come out stronger.

 Marriage is a sacament.

When Patrick and I married at St. Mary of the Angels Catholic Church in Chicago 13 years ago, God joined us and the two became ONE. Without the grace that God has given our marriage, it would have been easy at times to let the "bad" overcome us. I'm so thankful for the Faith that Patrick brought to our home, to our marriage. He has shown me how important it is to turn to God, to pray "all the days of our lives".... Not just in the bad or the sickness, but in the good and in health. I think how much richer our marriage is because of our faith. I think of the example that we are providing for our children. I pray that they go out into the world and find a spouse who shares their faith, who will share the foundation that will strengthen their lives and their marriages. 13 years ago, dressed in white, filled with a nervous happiness, I walked down that aisle, Trumpet Voluntary playing, on the arm of my Dad. There at the end of that LONG aisle (St. Mary of the Angels is a BIG church) stood my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, and the husband that I thank God for every day. I can't really put into words just how blessed I am to have him. But I am SO, SO, SO truly, truly, truly blessed. I am so thankful that I get to spend my life with him. I love you Patrick.

Happy 70th Birthday Mom!

Last night we celebrated my mom's 70th birthday at Pizza Hut in Osage City. It was a surprise party planned and executed by none other than my dad. He did a pretty good job. Mom had no idea that she was arriving to a reserved room full of friends and family.
She spent her afternoon sewing with her friend Ramona, as she often does on Wednesday afternoons. Ramona lives in Osage with her husband Larry. The plan was after sewing, my dad would arrive and the two couples would grab a bite to eat for a small birthday celebration. The ladies finished up their sewing around 5:00pm and that left about an hour to kill, waste, etc. Normally, my mom wouldn't be too sorry to wait until 6:00pm to eat dinner. However, she said several times to her friend Ramona that she was hungry, she hadn't eaten much that afternoon, she couldn't wait until dinner. So finishing up their sewing on the early side required lots of thinking on the part of my dad, Ramona, and Larry to try to make it to 6:00pm. You don't want to arrive early at a surprise party! From what my dad told me, first Ramona said "oh I better get ready" and then proceeded to s.l.o.w.l.y. get ready. After she announced her readiness, it was Larry's turn. Nope, they couldn't get ready at the same time. When they were finally ready, there was still a little bit of time they needed to kill. Osage is a small town. So you can't hope for traffic in this situation. So with 10 minutes to kill, my dad had to do some quick thinking. He said "oops, I think I need to use the restroom, um a #2".... He then went & just stood in the bathroom for about ten minutes. hum-de-dum-de-dum....
To me, the funniest part of it all came next. As they headed out, my mom, the birthday girl, the one whose "day" it was, said "I'm in the mood for chicken". Well, now what do the 3 schemers do? "oh not me, I have had chicken the last several days" was the response of Larry and Ramona. "let's have pizza!" Imagine yourself, YOUR birthday.... and you are thinking "really???? isn't it my birthday??? shouldn't I have chicken if I want it??" Well, lucky for my dad and their friends, my mom is a big-hearted woman. And even though she REALLY wanted some chicken, she said "ok, let's have pizza" (whew....)
So there we sat, awaiting her arrival. Her sister and brother-in-law, 6 friends, my sister's family minus one college coed, and my family of 7. She walked in and said "oh!!!!" and was completely shocked. She was very happy and very surprised which is truly what you really want to happen, isn't it? I think she was more shocked than when she arrived for her 60th birthday surprise which my sis and I planned an executed 10 years ago.
So my wonderful mother turned 70 and thankfully, we were able to spend a portion of her special day with her. I'm so happy that we could go. And I am so thankful that I have such a wonderful mom. I love you mom!

Stepping Stones Post

IN THE WORLD OUTSIDE MY DOOR: It's a perfect 72 degree-makes-you-have-spring-fever-and-crave-an-adult-beverage kind of day.

IN AM LISTENING: to my boys in their bedroom playing with their friend Jake. I just missed part of what Jake was saying, but it was something about his mom pouring cereal into water, then into milk & I think he said put it in the freezer???? yuck.

I AM WEARING: capri pants even though my legs haven't been shaven in TOO long... spring is here, time to shave daily again! :-)

I AM PONDERING: an email that was sent to me today regarding one of my kids & something that her 1st grade daughter claimed happened & didn't. It's a little upsetting. I don't like my kids having other kids lie about them. I trust my kids. I know they are kids. They make mistakes. They try to get out of trouble, but this is different. I don't like it.

I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR: my dad & mom. they always put us kids first. today my dad came up, all the way from smallville to put a belt in my dryer. what a great dad! i'm so blessed.

I AM READING: Bleak House by Charles Dickens. It's good, thought I don't love it as much as David Copperfield, but I think I like it more than Great Expectations.

I AM THINKING; that it is 4:51 pm and i have no ideal what I am making for dinner!!!!!

I AM CREATING: well, i started knitting a headband about 2 months ago.... someday I would like to finish it.

I AM LEARNING; that life isn't always fair, but we still have to make the best of it.

I AM PRAYING: for my neice chelsa who has to have a mammogram this week.

AROUND THE HOUSE: as usual, chaos. someday the kids will be grown & gone & it will be clean & lonely.

FROM THE KITCHEN: it's a rough week or two on the budget for food... no idea what to make tonight. perhaps pasta with chicken.

ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS: the Brookside st. Patrick's day warm-up parade just happened last weekend. it was tough this year though because Patrick had to work so I was on my own with 5 kids.

THIS WEEK: co-op, parks, library, doctor, school, hmmmm am i forgetting anything?

I like taking care of my family

I have a husband, 5 kids, 2 cats, 1 dog, and I have lost track of how many fish we currently have. And let's not forget, I also have a SMALL house. My kids are still at that younger age of making messes: a 1 year old who pulls every book off the shelf just for fun, a 5 year old who loves to draw & therefore has about 50 sheets of paper strung out everywhere, an 8 year old who is sadly just kind of messy, and 10 & 12 year old boys who bring in dirt, leaves, sticks, wood, nails, bird feathers, rocks, etc. We do not do a lot of tv, video games, computer time in our house, which, let's face it, is time NOT making messes, except for the popcorn during movies. I am TRYING to teach my children responsibility by making them do chores, helping with laundry, doing dishes (no dishwasher!), just picking up. We have times when it runs smoothly. We have times when it does not. In all honesty, I actually have found that I LIKE doing the dishes and the laundry. The problem is: a) we are busy, I am busy so it does help if the kids can help. and b) it isn't fair if kids 1 & 2 do dishes and then I do dishes for kid 3. So I do struggle to find that schedule that is fair & doable. However, I realized something last night. It was one of those good nights: no activities, everyone just hanging out, no tv on, no one sick. In between playing with the kids, I got up & did the dishes (gasp, it was someone else's turn!), did some of the laundry, picked up SOME of the clutter. All while paying attention to the kids, listening to peaceful playing, drawing, etc. And I felt content. I felt like I was doing what a mom should do: taking care of my family. I thought about what I want my kids to remember when they grow up. Do I want them to remember me nagging them all the time about doing the dishes? Or do I want them to think about me doing the dishes & nurturing their environment? I know, I know, it's a balance. The kids DO need to do some chores. it's good for them. But I did come to a realization last night that I am going to change my strategy. I want them to do some of the dishes because it is good for them, but I want them to know that I am taking care of them & therefore, I am doing most of them. I want them to help with laundry because they need to know how to do it, but I want them to know that mom makes sure there are clean jeans, underwear, and socks (fyi, when i am having them do it, there are times that there are no clean jeans, underwear, or socks). So I am re-evaluating. I am going to change how we do things around here. It means that more of the every day chores (dishes and laundry) will fall on me. But I am hopeful that they will continue to learn & help in many ways and that our house will be more peaceful. I will update later when we see how it goes!