Do other people feel like this? Seriously, everyone else seems to belong SOMEWHERE... church, school, homeschooling group, high school friends, college friends, work, extended family, neighborhood.
I'm lonely. Period. End of story. Ok, not end of story I guess because, well, I don't like to be lonely. I don't want to be lonely. I have always been an extremely social being. Too social probably. I loved, loved, loved school my entire childhood. Not only did I excel at school, but it was a time to see my friends! Then came college where my social life kind of messed up what I was there for. I loved to have fun & hang with my friends & there was always someone who wanted to do something fun with me. Next, after graduation came work. I always made friends where I worked. Always hung out with friends outside of work. It did start getting a little tougher though. I moved to Chicago & had a wonderful job & wonderful friends at my job. However, I did feel, even then, at times, out of place. Mostly because I was a transplant & everyone I was friends with had family around there. Next, marriage & children. This is when it became really, really tough. After a year of being home with my firstborn, I finally found a moms' group. Made some nice friends. However, still often felt out of place. Due to things just not working out the way they should have, we have a small house & less money than everyone we seem to be friends with... It's hard. I was an ambitious girl & young woman. I had a great job. I had potential. yet, here we are living in a small house that is impossible to maintain. I know that hinders my abilities to connect because I never feel like I can invite people over here.
Then came homeschooling.... and that is when things became, well, almost impossible. I'm involved. We have activities. But man... I am SOOOO lonely. And I don't belong ANYWHERE.... I belonged to a co-op & then people put their kids in school or became involved in a different group & the co-op was no more. I joined one homeschool group & everyone lived close to each other & we never were invited to things. I joined another homeschool group & everyone else already was friends & didn't seem interested in forming any new friendships. I joined another homeschool group and everyone was way, way, way too liberal and cliquish to boot. I joined a co-op, met some nice folks, then they stopped doing the co-op, moved, and lived too far away to see anymore. Same co-op 2 years later, I now feel out of place because probably more than half of the members belong to the same church & they all seem to be really good friends & I am the outsider. I take my kids to soccer & meet some nice moms there who are very welcoming & kind. However, they all are active in their schools and well, that just puts up a little boundary. I go to a church where there is NOTHING social & it takes years to get to know people.
I make friends, but the friendships never seem to grow into that special friendship that is like sisterhood. I don't have friends that I can just drop in on a moment's notice just to have coffee. or just to cry. I remember one time when I was a child my mom & dad getting into an argument & my mom being upset. She took me & we drove over to Dixie's house so my mom could have a good cry on her best friend's shoulder. That's what I want.
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