good stuff... loving five beautiful children

Nolan
Liam
Ciara
Logan
Ella

I gave birth to five beautiful children....

I love five beautiful children...

Nolan died....I still love five beautiful children

I'm thankful for the years I had with Nolan.  He could have died in utero, at birth, at age two, six.... I had him with me for thirteen years.   Thirteen years are better than none....

 I will love my five children forever.....

I came to the decision...

today that I must start blogging on my other blogs again.... simply because I need to write about good stuff again... or birthday cakes... or frugal ideas... or (my new one) tv episodes. 

Nolan dying is the forefront idea in my head at all times.  it's like a big, big exclamation point... BAM!   that's my life.  my life is the fact that his life ended.  it sucks.  so much.  more than anything you can imagine.  I used to imagine it when I heard of other children dying... I'd say "oh my gosh, those poor people, I couldn't go on".... and I can't.  yet I have to. 

fair or not to my other kids, Nolan has become this focal point to my life now.  everything that happens... oh you did good at soccer today?  (wow, Nolan should have played soccer)  oh, you loved that movie?  (Nolan should have watched that movie with us, he would have loved it)   oh, you want to eat at noodles and company?  (Nolan would have tried to get us to eat there)... 

but I have to do things, other things, I have to sometimes force myself to think of other stuff. 

so part of that is writing in my other blogs.... 

ella

she's good stuff mixed with a little bad... but mostly good... the bad is just your typical 2 year old drive your mom crazy stuff.... I need to think of good stuff too.  i'm so sad.  and my life is sad.  it willb e sad, forever.... but there has to be good stuff.  I have 4 living children who NEED good stuff... I have to think of it. 

ella does the funniest stuff and then I forget it because well, i'm 43 and I am easily distracted and my memory isn't what it used to be.

tonight ella held upa  crouton and said "I have a big "cron too"  I said "crouton?"

i miss the good stuff

no death, no grief, no sorrow....

just life with my five LIVE children... no fears....i miss that.  i miss Nolan

A Poem by Nolan

Daydreams

I have 100 pets
All the ones that I want
Golden medals,
Well, I have 110
All the homework I had
Is destroyed and gone
"Get back to work!
You are daydreaming again!"

Salad, slaw, taco stuff.... Whatever you call it, it's DELICIOUS!

When I make fish tacos or pork tacos, I like to use a slaw-ish mixture for the toppings instead of lettuce.  My kids all love it as just a "salad" and we always run out of it.  I'm always happily amazed when they are begging for more of something healthy like this. 

Approx.  1/2 bag shredded carrots
1 bag shredded cabbage
1 bunch fresh cilantro chopped
onions OR green onions chopped (to taste, depends how onion-y you like things)
fresh tomatoes, chopped.  I prefer to use cherry tomatoes, but any tomato works
Avocado
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Lime Juice
chili powder (just a teeny dash)
salt & pepper to taste
fresh jalepeno pepper (optional)

When I had Miss Baby Ella, someone brought me a meal that included some spicy slaw that was similar to this.  It had a little bit of creaminess though.  I seriously need to get that recipe.  Writing this post just reminded me of that.... 

My Favorite Sandwich at Home, Fresh & Yummy!

One of my favorite "easy" meals is this sandwich, the Caprese. 

Fresh yummy bread of your choice.  I usually buy some type of bagette. 
Fresh sliced red, ripe tomatoes
Fresh basil
Buffalo Mozzerella, sliced
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Balsalmic Vinegar (must be a good one! I'm picky!)  ((discovered a good one at Trader Joe's))
Salt & Pepper

Assemble.  Serve.  Eat.  Yum.